Monday 5 May 2014




Today we completed our 5 day sesshin and it is Hosan tomorrow (no scheduled zazen). So this little guy will be keeping my zafu warm for me. His/her posture needs a little correction I think. It looks a little like my posture in the afternoons when I was trying to avoid the pain spreading across my back. An upright posture is fundamental to zazen (we sit with the body, not with the mind) but there were quite a few times during the sesshin when I drooped.

Pain or, more particularly, fear of pain was the biggest issue for me, and I'm guessing for many of us who have not sat a sesshin of this length before. People can also experience boredom, sleepiness, anxiety, hunger, nausea... what else? General overwhelming distress (I certainly did!), anger, itchiness, being too cold, too hot. So why would any sane person engage with this practice? Well there were pleasant things too: birdsong, frogs, sunlight, sound of rain, a different sense of time... but learning to accommodate things I normally avoid is an important part of this practice, and seeing my reactions to these things. (Why? Maybe I'll explain another time.) So, anyway, while I experienced more pain than I have before during zazen, there was plenty of time to observe how it moves, changes and responds to fear. 

Toward the end of the sesshin the fear decreased and the pain became less of a problem (that was the general pattern anyway). Perhaps I felt the end was not too far off. Perhaps I was just exhausted. In any case, I found that keeping a straight posture (instead of cringeing) was the best way to accommodate the pain, as well as other challenges - impatience for the sound of the kaishaku before mealtimes, for instance.



Today is Kodomo no Hi (children's day in Japan). Outside my window last week the carp kites were flying in preparation - although today they probably got a little wet and droopy.



6 comments:

  1. Dear Mushin,
    thank you for your detailed report. I am still in Kyoto, and already did a lot if things, visited several temples and zengardens, was at 3 museums, just walked through the city and so on...for me it feels like a quiet long time. and you guys just sat. Its a bit creepy actually. I wonder how everybody did. once in a while a thought of you... all the best! falk

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    1. Hello Falk. Good to hear from you. Yes, it's interesting how different it feels to fill a day doing lots of things compared with what we do or don't do in sesshin. At the beginning it felt impossible to me to spend 15 hours a day in sesshin for 5 days. I found that I had to forget about it to manage, although now and then I checked in with where we were up to, esp the halfway mark. I hope you enjoy the rest of your trip.

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  3. Glad to hear you made it through ok Mushin. I like the way you described the experience. Thanks
    Greg

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  4. The sesshins sound quite intense and your blog brought tears to my eyes..... I hope you are all ok and able to cope in the sesshins pain-free soon...... Our dear friend D. has departed for her homeland, so it's just J. and me. Thoughts are with you constantly, and I often spirit myself to sit by your side. Last night (or this morning......!) I visioned myself in an empty room, sitting on the floor facing into a corner.... don't quite know why..... but it was an attempt to help me get to sleep...... And then I was in a pebbled yard with a mauve/pink crepe myrtle in the middle with its lovely boughs outstretched towards the sunny sky and casting its shade and loveliness around. It's a glorious day here today. Got to drink in some sunshine while I hung out clothes and sipped on some coffee. Thanks for the blog/photos, as usual. Take care, my dear friend. X

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    1. Hi Alexis. No need to be concerned... I am back in Melbourne and fine. So I am enjoying the lovely sunshine too. I have just posted the last lot of photos and commentary so I hope you enjoy them. How are you?

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